Returning to work last week was a good thing. I felt productive and glad to be out of the house and even more excited about earning money. The first few days were pretty rough. My stamina has decreased dramatically and I hated to admit that fact to myself but there it is. Out of the 4 days I worked last week I only cried on the way home twice—out of fatigue, frustration, exhaustion and anger at the ability of my body to handle what I need it to handle. This week I was to work 3 days. I worked Monday and felt pretty good. It was a reasonable work day and I was home around 3 pm. Yesterday I volunteered to stay for the entire shift. There was a procedure that was added on at the end of the day so I didn’t get home until after 6:00 pm (a 10.5 hour day).
After work I came home and cooked supper and was in bed by 10 only to be up at 2:00 am sick to my stomach (it was empty and I’m out of Ritz crackers). Adding insult to injury, I woke not only to nausea but seemingly endless episodes of diarrhea. I don’t love diarrhea. I mean, sure, sometimes one must make an eating decision based on the likelihood of diarrhea…that was not the case tonight. I hate to even mention the hemorrhoids that have developed since starting chemo and are now bleeding but seeing as how I just did…let’s just say that things are not always sunny in TaylorTown.
(Can one ‘band’ external hemorrhoids like they do with sheep testicles? Asking for a friend)
Some people tell me that I overshare. Especially on FB. I disagree. We may be different and have varying comfort levels as to what we share (or overshare) but it’s a personal thing and if I choose to vent something then there should be no issues with it. 99% of the time it’s just me ‘vague-booking’ and it really doesn’t matter who/what it’s about. Please just read it and see how/if a generic statement applies in your own life. You’ll either appreciate it or you won’t.
UPDATE: 0700 the next morning…
I picked up my friend from the airport last night. I never was able to sleep during the day. I spent most of the day in a strange mental fog of fatigue. Probably shouldn’t have driven to the airport but I didn’t feel tired and I never once felt the need to nod off or “close my eyes for just a second”. Made it home by 10-ish and after showing my friend her accommodations I promptly went to bed. I did take a Klonopin that was prescribed for me. (Yes mother, I know I should be taking it twice a day to help reduce my anxiety). And I slept. I did wake up a few times but I was able to go back to sleep and I didn’t have to get up to use the bathroom. My back side is thankful for that. Here’s to a better day today.
My Happy: Snapchat filters